The Art of Being a Gentleman.

Its a dying art, my friends.

The other day I was picking up some flowers for a friend, at our local flower shop. Ahead of me in line were an elderly couple, both suffering from noticeable physical pain. After they received their flowers, they started out to their car, the man taking his wife's hand and getting the door for her on the way out.
After I had picked up my flowers, I got outside to see the cute old man hobbling around the car after opening the car door for his sweet wife. Even in pain, he walked all the way around the car just to open the door.

& my faith in humanity is restored.

red chucks.

I met her when I was just 13 years old, and we hit it off immediately, we were best friends from the moment we shared a seat in the seventh grade drama class. We'll call her R, for short.

R spent summers in California and weekends in Park City. R had a small section of hair dedicated to a different color each month. R had a gold sparky backpack, and wore red chucks every day, while I wore purple chucks. I always looked for her shoes, and I always found her.

After three years of learning to survive middle school together, we said goodbye as she moved to Caliafornia to live with her Mom, while her Dad moved to Colorado for work.

R had wrote me a couple of times, and we kept up to date on each other's lives. We started out in the same awkward position in a drama class, wearing the same brand of shoes, eating the same terrible school lunches.

 We took separate roads, and after my junior year of high school, I lost all contact with R. I was busy with schools, basketball, friends, boys etc. and I assumed R was just as busy. After all, friends come and go constantly with the seasons of life.

I was reading through my year book, when I remembered her and all the fun we had. I, being a 2014 twenty year old, looked her up on Facebook.

R had passed away, about a year and a half ago, after she had been in a serious car accident. Something so simple as taking a drive with her friends, turned into the last night of her life. 

We were the same person, for three entire years. and then so much had happened. 

This one is for you R. I hope you are as happy and wild and free as the day we met, wearing red chucks and laughing as we complained about the classes we attend. 

pretty things & deep thoughts.

Some days, I wish I was more creative, more out going, more lovely. 

Some days I wish I could fly to a little town in Italy and never return.

Some days I remember why I keep going to school and I why I work so hard to create a future for myself. 

Some days, I'm certain that people are freaking out of their minds. 

Some days, I'm determined to spend every minute watching The Office and drinking sprite. 

& then there are days like today. Where I'm just completely comfortable and happy to continue my routine life. Its okay that I haven't traveled anywhere in two years. It's okay that I'm in the middle of my long school haul. It's okay that I can't plan one year in advance. 

Its okay, because I have pretty things to remind me that life isn't about planning or doing or even having, but more about being. Being happy, being productive, being alive, being a little better everyday. 

And that is okay.  

Even if it is just for today. 

In Terms of Life.

In Terms of Life. 

My parents have taught me so, so much about life by their example and their willingness to take the time to show me tough love. Over and over when I was younger my mom would say "Well, life isn't fair." and she wouldn't listen to, or give into my whines. I thank the heavens that she didn't.

I think people are forgetting that life isn't fair. Sometimes we don't get the parking spot, the promotion, the pretty picture, the grade, the guy, the before hand knowledge we all need, the vacation we dreamed, the crazy wild Friday nights. Sometimes we get to park in Africa, we get to keep our wage, we get to be the "behind the scenes"[C.M.] girl, we get to screw up and get hurt, we get to sit alone on a Friday night and watch re-runs of The Office. Life isn't all peaches and cream or those of us on a diet, life isn't all peas and carrots.

This lesson, however, is a extremely hard lesson to grasp. Sometimes, you can do everything right, work hard, come early & stay late, give it your all, try everything you possibly know, and STILL don't get want you've been working for. On the same breath, you can try your very least, have every single thing that could possibly go wrong, go wrong and still have it come out perfectly. Life is a crazy twister of give and take that we signed up for.Sometimes you get the short end of the stick, and others you get the long end.

I've recently read the book "My Story" written by Elizabeth Smart & Christ Stewart. The book itself is pretty intense, and a lot to take in, apparently being kidnapped is a traumatic experience even if you're reading it second hand. Elizabeth explains her terrible tragic story of being kidnapped for 9 months and learning to live with it afterwards. People wonder how she can live a normal life, still believe and love a God, and have her own family. Smart attributes much of her recovery to her faith, writing she “never felt closer to God than I did throughout my nightmare with Mitchell.” When I go through hard things or see others go through hard things I can't help but wonder how close to Heavenly Father are they growing. I always grow the most within the hardest times. Maybe we get the short end of the stick, to learn to hang on tighter, trust more, and figure things out. 

It's such beautiful, peaceful moment when life hands you the long end of the stick after an unexpected turn though. Everything goes wrong, you aren't sure whether or not anything will last, and suddenly, it does. After a long week, month, year, something breaks through and makes it all better. 

Life isn't fair, but that is what makes life worth it. You learn and you grow and get what you deserve and sometimes you get nothing, and that's okay. A fair life doesn't equal a happy life anyways. 

Panacea.

Panacea: a cure to all difficulties or diseases.

Yep, I'm in search of a "cure-all" type thing. I need something that will soothe school stress (FINALS), fix a acne breakout, clean my room, catch up on all my laundry, organize my desk at work, conflate all my schedules so everyone in my life feels loved and cared for, and most importantly, something that will save me money. 

Maybe something like this beautiful river bed. I'm not so sure the lamp would work though. -->

Any ideas?
besides a personal assistant. I am a personal assistant, I don't want someone to out shine my personal assisting. 

{and here's to a random vent.}

Ahem. It all began last summer when I first started working my most favorite job yet (literally no sarcasm, I love my job). I received an email from a concerned parent regarding their high school student's college grade for some college class they were in. I replied accordingly and took note that the parent was quite active in their student's life. Not even a week later, that very same mother called to chit chat with me about their student and we decided that because I was new and knew little about the procedures, it would be best if we set up an appointment with an counselor. Since then, I have been contacted by that parent SEVERAL times, including personal visits, 15-20 minute phone calls, lengthy emails, and my personal favorite, a phone call to tell me she'll be coming into our office shortly so I could make sure I was there to help her. She knows my name and asks for me, as if I'm her personal assistant or if I'm some type of genie. But here's the thing, I'm a student employee. Do not mistake me, I work hard and I try to educate myself to be the BEST student employee yet, but all in all, I'm a student employee. I switched my schedule half way through the year to afternoons and instead of just asking her questions to someone present when she called, she leaves me messages. I started ending our phone calls and emails with "If you call and I'm not here, feel free to ask people in the office. They should be able to help you the same capacity I can" and yet she denies. EVERY time she calls I just know I'll be with her for 20 minutes, whether its me missing the bus, me losing track of what I was doing before, or me just slowly dying inside.
And lets be fair. Her questions wouldn't bother me if they were obscure, or if they needed a direct and specialized answer, but they don't. They are questions whose answers can be found on the website, questions that don't even obtain to her student, questions that I swear she makes up to talk to me. 
I'm not sure how to shake this helicopter mama, but when I find out, there will be great rejoicing and singing and dancing and a celebration that you're all invited too. 
One day. 

Probably the same day I find my panacea. 

things I'm certain of.

Just a few things I know to be certain. No need to grab some popcorn or a stiff drink. 

• I'm certain that God lives and he love us, sometimes with tough love, but he still loves us.
• I'm certain that people deserve kindness and respect everyday. They deserve more than a hello & a goodbye. They deserve love and understanding. 
• I'm certain that peachos and redvines will never be gross.
• I'm certain that no matter what happens to us, in the end, it'll all be okay. 
• I'm certain that red nail polish on your finger tips will always be timeless. 
• I'm certain that most people are unaware of the power and love they possess, and the influence they have on others.
• I'm certain that high school was all together a learning experience that no one could pay me to go back too
• I'm certain that even on bad days, there are things and people to look forward too.
• I'm certain that YOU have the power to make days good or bad, and that you can create sunshine in your life. 
• I'm certain that a starry night is literally one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

•  & last of all, I'm certain that flowers, of any kind, are not a waste a money. Not even red roses.

Where Your Feet Are.

I once had a speaker tell me, "Focus on your feet. Wherever your feet are, is where your heart, mind, and soul should be." I've been thinking about this all week, and how this concept is fading fast from our society. Within out pockets we contain the whole world wide web, instant connection to everyone we know, and screens filled with endless entertainment. We stand there, among out friends, our co-workers, even our own family ignoring them to find entertainment on our phones, tablets, and computers. We choose to be entertained by the social medias, the YouTubes, and the Pinterest's rather than our ever changing beautiful world around us. I ride the FrontRunner (train) to school every day, and everyday I watch the beautiful scenery as we pass from the lake front, the to farms, and back to the vinyl houses. I mentioned this to a nearby passenger on the train, who I've personally rode with for at least a week, his response was "I never noticed we passed by the lake." He looked out the window, and stared as if to see it for the first time. Then he took a photo of it with his smart phone and went back to watching Netflix. Every night and day he passed the beautiful mountain scenery and had no clue. 

There is so much out there that we are missing, constantly ignoring. 

And yes, I know that we need to text those certain people and send those emails and update our Facebook's and upload our 'throw back Thursdays', I love doing all those fun things. But have you ever thought what am I missing out on?

Relient K 

'Look on Up.' 

I remember when a photograph was worth 
A thousand words
Now a thousand pictures come my way, every day
and I like them all the same but they can't take my breath away
I'm fighting the temptation not to look 
But I'm still leafing through the pages like the world's my open book
Why don't I got something else to do?
Feeling trapped behind the viewfinder to share it all with you
But that's not what it's about
I'm so tired of missing out

look on up 
To the sky
I wonder why I put a filter between beauty and my eyes        

I look on up

To your eyes

It's time I put down my devices and I start to live my life
I look on up
I look on up
To the sky

Have you ever tried to photograph the moon?
Well I have too

Yeah I have too
Find it funny how it never turns out right
It's like someone poked a pinhole in the canvas of the night
And that's not what it's about
I'm so tired of missing out